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E n g i n e e r s:
friendly jokes for engineers

Subject: Engineers

Q: When does a person decide to become an engineer? A: When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to be an undertaker.

Q: What do engineers use for birth control? A: Their personalities.

Q: How can you tell an extroverted engineer? A: When he talks to you, he looks at your shoes instead of his own.

Q: Why did the engineers cross the road? A: Because they looked in the file, and that's what they did last year.

Q: How do you drive an engineer completely insane? A: Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him, and fold up a road map the wrong way.


To the optimist, the glass is half full... To the pessimist, the glass is half empty... To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be...


You might be an engineer if:

  1. Choosing between buying flowers for your wife and upgrading your RAM is a problem.
  2. You take a cruise so you can go on a personal tour of the engine room.
  3. In college, you thought Spring Break was metal fatigue failure.
  4. The salespeople at the local computer store can't answer any of your questions.
  5. At an air show, you know how fast the skydivers are falling.
  6. For your wife's birthday you gave her a new CD-ROM drive or a Palm Pilot.
  7. You can quote scenes from any Monte Python movie.
  8. You can type 70 words per minute but you can't read your own handwriting.
  9. You comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and parallel.
  10. You sit backwards on Disney rides so you can see how they do the special effects.
  11. You have saved every power cord from all your broken appliances.
  12. You have more friends on the Internet than in real life.
  13. You know what http:// stands for.
  14. You look forward to Christmas so you can put the kids toys together.
  15. You see a good design, and have to change it.
  16. You spent more on your calculator than you did on your wedding ring.
  17. You still own a slide rule and know how to use it.
  18. You think that people yawning around you are sleep deprived.
  19. You window shop at Radio Shack.
  20. Your laptop computer cost more than your car.
  21. Your wife hasn't the foggiest idea of what you do at work.
  22. You've already calculated how much you make per second.
  23. You've tried to repair a $5 radio.

Sent in by a hard working visitor!!!

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